Scripts for Sketches (Free: takem if you like!)

• A
• The Accidents Sketch
• The Aftershave Sketch
• The Agatha Christie Sketch
• Albatross
• Ant Complaints
• Appeal on Behalf of Extremely Rich People
• The Architect Sketch
• The Argument Clinic
• The Army Protection Racket
• Art Gallery / Art Critic
• Arthur 'Two-Sheds' Jackson
• At Home With the Ant and Other Pets
• Attila the Bun
• 'The Attila the Hun Show'
• Attila the Nun
• The Audit
• Australian Table Wines

   

• B
• Bank Robber/Lingerie Shop
• The Banter Sketch
• The Batsmen of the Kalahari
• BBC News (Handovers)
• BBC Programme Planners
• Bicycle Repairman
• Biggles Dictates a Letter
• The Bishop
• Blackmail
• Bomb on Plane
• The Bookshop
• Brigadier and Bishop
• The British Well-Basically Club
• The Bruces Sketch
• Bull-Fighting
• Burgler/Encyclopaedia Salesman
• Burying the Cat
• Buying an Ant
• Buying a Bed
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• C
• Camel Spotting/Train Spotting
• Camp Square-Bashing
• The Cheap-Laughs
• The Cheese Shop
• Chemist Sketch/Words Not to be Used Again
• Children's Stories
• Climbing the North Face of Uxbridge Road
• Complaints Department
• Confuse-a-Cat
• Courtmartial [Basinstoke in Westphalia]
• Court Scene (Charades)
• Court Scene (Witness in Coffin / Cardinal Richelieu)
• Cricket Match (Assegais)
• The Cycling Tour
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• D
• 'Dad's Doctors' and Other Interesting Shows
• The Dead Bishop Sketch
• Deja Vu
• Dennis Moore
• Dennis Moore Rides Again
• Department Store
• Different Endings
• The Dinosaur Sketch (Anne Elk)
• The Dirty Vicar Sketch
• Doctor
• A Doctor Whose Patients are Stabbed by His Nurse
• Documentary on Ants
• Documentary on Boxer
• Dung/Dead Indian
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• E
• The Election Night Special
• Elephantoplasty
• Elizabethan Pornography Smugglers
• Expedition to Lake Pahoe
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• F
• 'Face the Press'
• Famous Deaths
• Father-in-Law
• Film Trailer
• Fire Brigade
• The First Man to Jump the Channel
• Fish License
• Flying Lessons
• Flying Sheep
• The Four Yorkshiremen
• The Free Repetition of Doubtful Words Sketch, By an Underrated Author
• The Funniest Joke in the World
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• G
• Gestures to Indicate Pauses in Televised Talk
• The Golden Age of Ballooning : George III
• The Golden Age of Balloning: Louis XIV
• The Golden Age of Ballooning: Montgolfier Brothers
• The Golden Age of Ballooning: Zeppelin
• Gorilla Librarian
• Great Actors
• Gumby Brain Specialist
• Gumby Crooner
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•  
• H
• Hairdressers Climb Mt. Everest
• Hell's Grannies
• Hermits
• Hijacked Plane [to Luton]
• Homicidal Barber
• How Far Can a Minister Fall?
• How Not To Be Seen
• How Your Body Works
• The Hungarian Phrasebook
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• I
• Icelandic Honey Week
• The Ideal Loon Exhibition
• The Idiot in Society
• Interesting People
• Interruptions
• Interview with Carl French [Marilyn Monroe]
• Interview With Sir Edward Ross
• It All Happened on the 11:20 From Hainault
• It's Wolfgang Amamdeus Mozart
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• J
• Johann Gambolputty
• Joke and Novelties Salesman
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•  
• K
• Kamikaze Scotsman
• Ken Shabby
• Kilimanjaro Expedition (Double Vision)
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•  
• L
• Language Laboratory
• Letters [Lavatorial Humor]
• Life and Death Struggles
• The Lifeboat Sketch
• Literary Football Discussion
• Llamas
• The Logician
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• M
• The Man Who is Alternately Rude and Polite
• The Man Who Finishes Other People's Sentences
• The Man Who Says Words in the Wrong Order
• The Man Who Speaks in Anagrams
• The Man with Three Buttocks
• Marriage Guidance Counsellor
• Mary Recruitment Office
• Me, Doctor
• The Mens Being-Eaten-By-A-Crocodile Contest
• Merchant Banker
• The Ministry of Silly Walks
• Molluscs - Live TV Documentary
• The Money Programme
• 'Mortuary Hour'
• Mosquito Hunters
• The Most Awful Family in Britain
• The Mouse Problem
• Mr. Neutron
• Mr. Neutron is Missing
• Mr. Neutron is Still Missing
• Mr. Neutron is Found
• Mystico and Janet - Flats Built by Hypnosis
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• N
• Neurotic Announcers
• New Brain from Curry's
• New Cooker Sketch
• The News For Parrots
• Non-Illegal Robbery
• The North Minehead Bye Election
• No Time To Lose
• Novel Writing
• Nudge Nudge
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• O
• Off-Licence [including more Dennis Moore]
• The Olympic Hide and Seek Final
• Operating Theatre [Squatters]
• The Oscar Wilde Sketch
• Our Eamonn
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• P
• The Package Tour Complaint
• Pantomime Horses
• The Pantomine Horse is a Secret Agent Film
• 'Party Hints' with Veronica Smalls
• Party Political Broadcast (choreographed)
• The Penguin on the Television
• Penguins
• People Falling From Buildings
• The Petshop Sketch (Dead Parrot Version)
• A Pet Shop Somewhere Near Melton Mowbray (Terriers, Cats and Fish Version)
• Picasso / Cycling Race
• The Poet McTeagle
• Poetry Reading (Ants)
• Police Station (Silly Voices)
• The Pornographic Bookshop
• 'Probe Around' on Crime
• Prices on the Planet Algon
• Programme Titles Conference
• Psychiatrist Milkman
• Psychiatry - Silly Sketch
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• R
• Ratcatcher
• Raymond Luxury Yacht Interview
• The Refreshment Room at Bletchley
• Registrar (Wife-Swapping)
• The Registry Office
• Restaurant (Abuse/Cannibalism)
• The Restaurant Sketch (Dirty Fork)
• Rival Documentaries
• Rock Notes
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• S
• School Prize-Giving
• Secret Service Dentists
• Self-defense Against Fresh Fruit
• Sherry-Drinking Vicar
• The Silliest Interview We've Ever Had / The Silliest Sketch We've Ever Done
• Silly Disturbances (The Rev. Arthur Belling)
• Silly Job Interview
• Silly Noises
• The Smuggler
• The Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things
• Spam
• Spot the Looney
• Stake Your Claim
• Storage Jars
• Strangers in the Night
• String
• St. Victor
• The "Summarize Proust Competition"
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• T
• 'Take Your Pick'
• The Tale of the Piranha Brothers
• Tax on 'Thingy'
• Teddy Salad (CIA Agent)
• Timmy Williams Interview
• Tobacconists (Prostitute Advertisement)
• Toupee Department
• Travel Agent
• The Trial
• Tudor Jobs Agency
• Tunnelling from Godalming to Java
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• U
• Undertakers Film
• The Upperclass "Twit of the Year"
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• V
• Visitors from Coventry
• The Vocational Guidance Counselor
• Vox Pops on Smuggling
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• W
• Wainscotting
• The Walking Tree of Dahomey (with David Attenborough)
• What the Stars Foretell
• The Whizzo Chocolate Company (Crunchy Frog)
• The Woody Sketch
• Word Association Football
• Working-Class Playwright

Most of these sketches were stolen from Monty Python Heaven, it's REALLY cool -- CHECK IT OUT!